I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
