i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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