im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
