How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
