It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
