Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
