i just had sex bonerless
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
