Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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