No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
