You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
