just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So much rum. So many feels.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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