I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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