im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
