and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
