You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
