Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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