He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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