so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
