I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
