Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
