my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
