Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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