there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
