He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
