We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
