my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
