Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
