Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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