i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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