I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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