At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
