Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
