My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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