So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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