we'll go far in life on tits alone.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
