May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You ruined the universe
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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