Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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