question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
