are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
