God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
