I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
