So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
