there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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