Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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