I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
