I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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