I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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