He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
