All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
