What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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