So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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