Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
